I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
I would imagine now is an exciting time for sociologists. People seem to interact in a very peculiar way on social media. I’ve even rolled through my office, the grocery store, and even church and heard things like “well, they’re just stupid” or “who would ever do that, they are crazy.” Several folks I know get so heated when talking about current events that others walk on eggshells so as not to set them off. If I’m honest, and I will be, I’ve been that person before. Irritated, angry, and helpless at things I can’t control, convicted in things that don’t matter, and quite honestly, unable to have an honest and open conversation with someone of a different belief on any number of topics. I’d like to think I have changed, although not entirely by any means, but made progress in much thanks to a gentleman God introduced to me to several years ago.
Rarely have I met as interesting a person as my friend Brendan. An entrepreneur at heart, since I met him he has always had something to share and you can bet it will be interesting. We went out to lunch after meeting him and his wife at church one day and I remember his excitement about the incredible vacuum and shampooing system he had used and learned of from his friend for vehicles. He wasn’t selling it or anything like that. Just utterly fascinated with the degree to which it worked, how it worked, and the results from the cleaning system. As he described the way it cleaned, I couldn’t help but think, this guy either likes cleaning or is fascinated to learn and discover new things.
It turns out there was a men’s conference our church was attending in Fort Worth, and I guess our wives both voted we should go. Just kidding, we wanted to participate in and decided to head down for the weekend. This trip I learned not just about the pros and cons of privatizing the entire road system, but that my new friend was indeed not only a deep cleaning fanatic but rather a deep thinker. He was not just regurgitating a single book or radio program or article he had read, but instead had put incredible thoughts as well as poured himself into examining the idea of what society would look like if road maintenance and ownership were to be privately owned. Here is how our conversation started as we headed to our trip.
“Ready to get going?” he asked as we started out in his usual cheerful attitude.
“Yep, lets hit the road.”
“So, speaking of roads, I have an interesting idea I’m curious if you’ve ever thought of… I’ve been reading…”
You might be picturing a monotone like voice droning on about a very ideological concept. However, Brendan is a notoriously cheerful person and genuinely excited about ideas he is learning, or researching, or thinking. When he mentioned road privatization, I think my eyes rolled in the back of my head. However, I couldn’t help but be fascinated with his objective and incredibly open approach to the subject. It wasn’t ten minutes into the drive that I realized this was a man who not only enjoyed learning and thinking but also knew how to discuss ideas without attaching his emotions to the outcome of the discussion.
I concluded we had most likely exhausted the topic of road privatization after about four hours of total discussion time. I also found I had just met someone from who I could learn much. In fact, I believe God blessed me with a friend to teach me how to live better in this world with more peace, greater understanding, and most importantly a better perspective than I had been carrying.
Those are big claims. Let me see if you can relate. Have you ever gotten into an argument over something that you have a negligible impact on if any at all and attached your emotions to them? Have you ever been frustrated about something you heard in one news article or saw a headline of and let it just burn into your day about how awful the world is becoming? How about getting mad at a group of people protesting this or that or a different group for wanting to pass some law? Well, for me the answer is yes, yes, and yes. I still do it! However, I do it much less than before. A lot of that has to do with visiting with Brendan and seeing him converse with others both in person and on social media.
Now anytime you put someone up on a pedestal you are setting them up. Brendan will be the first to tell you he isn’t perfect. No, his wife will, then he will, but none of us are perfect, and nobody knows that better than our spouses. Watching his interactions with people that have different beliefs on very controversial subjects in today’s culture leaves me amazed. You’ve seen the trolling that can take place on message boards. Maybe you’ve even been that person to “stir things up” a bit. People that are sometimes well-meaning and sometimes not so well-meaning want to give a piece of their mind and set others straight with a well-structured argument that is sure to crush their thoughts and pull them to the other side, the “right” side of things. There are two consistent attributes I see in almost every conversation he has with others. First, no matter how loudly or angry the other person is or seems, he continues to speak softly and respectfully without ever talking over the other person. Secondly, he doesn’t talk over others but instead sits and takes in what they are saying. He thinks about and gives respectful thought to the other person’s ideas and perspective. One day I couldn’t help but notice one of these conversations taking place, and as I casually observed this, scriptures flowed through my mind.
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Proverbs 15:1 NASB
http://bible.com/100/pro.15.1.nasb
“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel.”
Proverbs 12:15 NASB
http://bible.com/100/pro.12.15.nasb
Brendan isn’t perfect, but he nails these two things in my observations. In fact, I pray that my children can learn from someone who understands this so well. It’s no coincidence that one of the wisest men I have the honor of knowing follows well the instructions in the book of Proverbs.
Now, I must also state, in case one may be thinking “sure, he can do that, but I have deep convictions that I know are true and will not budge,” that Brendan is incredibly convicted in his faith in Christ which seems to drive most any beliefs he holds. He is careful though, I’ve noticed, to separate his beliefs from his convictions. As a friend of ours said one time, he believed his daughter would be safe at home asleep if he and his wife left to get ice cream down the road. But in the end, they didn’t leave their daughter alone because they weren’t convicted. Convictions require our actions to align. Beliefs don’t necessarily call for that effort. A conviction to claim Christ as your Lord calls for you to act by calling out to Him and declaring Him as your Lord. Also, He promises to send His Spirit to be with us, the result of one dying to self and following Christ should result in the following “fruits” that we bear when interacting with our world.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,”
Galatians 5:22 NASB
http://bible.com/100/gal.5.22.nasb
Love when people are hard to love, not just the easy to like people. Joy regardless of circumstances, not dependent on conditions. Peace over aggressiveness and anger. Patience when we think things should happen faster and faster. Kindness when the world around is anything but kind. Goodness in our innermost thoughts. Faithfulness to the One who gives us not just life but the honor of knowing Him.
It wouldn’t be right not to say that I did have one long ride with Brendan where we didn’t talk about much. To be fair, I was driving him back from surgery several years ago where his shoulder had been reattached, and he was heavily medicated. Not enough though that he didn’t feel every bump and sharp turn. Every pothole or juke of the car earned me a penetrating glare from his side of the vehicle. He also didn’t agree with my idea of stopping at any number of the construction signs we saw and getting his picture under the “shoulder work” sign. You probably found that much funnier than he did even if you didn’t laugh.
Either way, I write this out in hopes that someone is encouraged as they go about their week, whether in dialog in person or online, to approach things in a new way. Brendan has shown me its a choice in how we learn from, interact with others, and spread ideas.