Oh pls... đ
If your kids are scared of monsters, be the friendly monster that is scarier than the scary monsters⌠Prepare to be relentlessly pummeled by the kids though.
She rolled her eyes as she pushed away from her computer. Her head slowly turned along with the exaggerated orbit of her eyes.
âOh really? Tell me how this is affecting your lifeâŚâ
I sat awestruck. I had been off of my bike for several months and not by choice. Lately, I had been dealing with extreme fatigue that wouldnât leave, tingling in my arms, and my hands were not even strong enough to pick up my cell phone. (Itâs an iPhone, not the 1990âs brick phone).
Iâm not a particularly confrontational person. Iâd prefer to just let the comment pass and move on, but this was my health. By now, at the prodding of my caring wife, I had spent two months searching for answers while the fatigue and weakness had been getting slowly worse. I kept getting sent to different departments for consultations. Fair enough. When I would go to those appointments, I would be sent back to neurology. If you ever find yourself stuck in the medical system to any degree, you know it isnât enjoyable. You feel like a human ping pong ball, and you already donât feel well, so that doesnât help.
That is where we arrive back to the ignorant and sarcastic question of how this is affecting my life.
âI donât know, maybe the fact that I canât stay awake at work and most days Iâm so tired I can barely walk, and oh yeah, Iâm having difficulty picking up my phone and gripping things. My leg twitches which make it difficult when I try driving. I am having great difficulty studying and preparing my lessons for Sunday to the point I canât fulfill that responsibility. Oh yeah, and if I go outside and get hot or overheated, Iâm as useless as a summer snowman.âOk, I only said the summer snowman part in my head. I reminded the doctor that they went to medical school to figure out what is going wrong so I can get back to being active and playing with my kids without getting exhausted. (Within reason, because, we all know kids can be draining).
I am not going to pretend to tell you I took the high road in this confrontation. No, I didnât say it out loud, but I came very close to asking my doctor if she obtained her degree through an email solicitation from a Prince in Nigeria. Instead, I quietly fired the doctor in my head, Apprentice-style, and let her doubt sink into my psyche.
Understand that I am no medical expert, but I know my body. Iâve been in it for thirty-two years at the time of writing. I knew my drive to be active. I had lost more weight bicycling and looked better than I ever did in college. (Disclaimer: Tabby said that, but I agreed. I felt great)! However, after the meeting with that first neurologist, my doubt in myself increased exponentially.
Instead of spending the next few months thinking that I was on the road to healing, I felt I was on the road to crazy. The harder I tried, the worse I became. I tried âpushingâ my way through the weakness. Conventional wisdom just was not working. If I rested, I was still tired. If I exercised, the burn was there, but with no gains and knocking me out for days. Even after having three neurological experts tell me that I wasnât crazy, that it was an upper motor neuron disorder, my thoughts would still go back to that seed of doubt.
Maybe you arenât like me at all. Perhaps you brave the unknown and thoughts of self-doubt fearlessly. Keep in mind though in case you ever find yourself run down emotionally, physically, or spiritually, how you speak to yourself and others. I contend that you may find yourself quietly more vulnerable than you realize.
Weâve all uttered something like, âOh really? How is this affecting your life,â something as simple as âWell, if you canât do it right Iâll just do it for you,â or telling your child âwhy canât you just behave well for once!â Even if just in our minds, these negative words if left unchecked will manifest in how you treat yourself and others. Almost everyone would agree words have power. The Bible begins with God âspeakingâ creation. Now we are not God by any means, but we are made in His image. We do have the ability to build our families, our relationships, and oh yeah, ourselves! Words and thoughts are where Iâm more guilty than my doctor mentioned above. She just had a bad day and was frustrated with limited information. I spent months parroting her doubt and using my words negatively against myself. This doubt only piled onto my fear of not knowing what was happening to my body and I paid an emotional price for my choice.
Kids will teach you a lot if you let them. Iâve learned something about myself watching my daughter Aubrey. When she would become afraid of something, I realized it boiled down to the unknown. She is still scared of the mysterious monster in her closet. Our conversations go something like this.
âDaddy, please close the closet door. I donât like that door.â
âOk, why not?â
âI think there might be a monster in there.â
âWouldnât it have already eaten us both if it was in there?â
Ok, I didnât say that! But if you are a parent, out of exhaustion, you would have wanted to!
As adults, we have, usually, grown out of being fearful of a literal monster under our bed. Our fears are much more thought out and justified. I would be lying if I told you that the unknown doesnât terrify me at times. In fact, I am surrounded by people who are haunted by the unknowns of life. What will happen to my job? What will happen with my marriage? The âWhat If Listâ is endless. Jesus addresses this very subject. It isnât complex.
This verse used to frustrate me. I understand better now what Jesus is talking about. These are the most basic things, which still today, many people struggle to obtain. We can turn anything into a scary unknown and ruminate over and over.
I havenât met one person who isnât dealing with a severe unknown of some sort in their life. Some people are dealing with many, many unknowns. I noticed early on with Aubrey if I could help keep her from dwelling on the mean scary closet monster, she wasnât bothered by what she couldnât see. The more she ruminated on things, the harder it was for her to rest. Interestingly, when her dad is next to her, the scary unknowns donât bother her anymore. They become her dadâs problem. If the monster does decide to come out and try to eat her, she knows the beast has to go through daddy. Even in a reduced physical capacity, no monster stands a chance against a protective daddy. Those who call Christ their Lord are given a similar option.
I count myself as someone who is thankful for this promise. Sadly, I havenât always remembered to live with this truth. Iâm experienced at creating roadblocks, making mountains out of prairie dog hills, seeing monsters where none exist and seeing hurricanes when there is only a drizzle. I hope if you spent the time reading this, you would consider your words not just to yourself and others but how you approach the real issues in life that you face. If you find yourself human like me, you will probably want some help. I recommend asking Jesus. He understands what we are going through better than anyone.
From about two years old on, this has been one of Aubreyâs favorite songs. It is very fitting for this story.